


Snake tastes like chicken, right?

by Not_an_American_kid



Category: Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle (2017)
Genre: Animal Death, Bethany being a snob, Bickering, Boring, Canon Compliant, Computer game genius Spencer, Eating, Gen, No Plot/Plotless, Snakes, Strengths
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-15
Updated: 2018-01-15
Packaged: 2019-03-05 08:07:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13383669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Not_an_American_kid/pseuds/Not_an_American_kid
Summary: If you're in the jungle, you take what the jungle gives you.Random drabble involving some situation the characters might have found themselves in, if their stay in Jumanji had lasted longer. (Excluded Alex for... some reason.)





	Snake tastes like chicken, right?

**Author's Note:**

> I am fully aware that this movie is, frankly, really bad, and far inferior to the original. But I liked it anyway, and decided to write a fic, so I must apologize.

The jungle, despite being fake, nowhere on earth but in this video game, was alive.

 

It pulsed, breathed, and it's sweat choked each and every traveller that ventured into it. The heat was an unbearable blanket, and the air was a liquid, where mosquitoes and flies swam rampant. Between smacking at bugs and adjusting their sweat-soaked clothing, there was arguing.

 

A lot of it.

 

Fridge biting at Spencer's ankles, Bethany complaining about runny makeup in the hot air (despite not wearing any makeup), and general unrest.

 

This kind of bickering was the opposite of what the game needed them to do, it had even told them to always cooperate.

 

 

Which is exactly why they stumbled into a very unsettling hissing in the bushes without noticing.

 

 

"guys, what is that?" Bethany was the first one to speak, and Fridge closed his mouth after a long threat of curses, furrowing his brows. 

 

"Something's in the bush..." Martha, who was farthest away, took another step backwards as she said that, her pretty eyes wide.

 

And then, a snake slithered out of the bush, its body gliding across the forest floor as if it were swimming, mouth gaping to expose its long, curved fangs, black tongue tasting the air. Then, it sped forward towards the group, neck raised and ready to imbed itself into any bared skin it could find.

 

"FRIDGE! HAND ME A KNIFE!" Spencer bellowed, extending a hand behind him to Fridge, who had retrieved a small blade from his backpack with more speed than seemed humanly possible; after all, it was his strength, and the second Spencer took ahold of the skinny knife, he threw it towards the approaching snake, the glimmer of silver slicing into the scales that adorned its neck, spraying blood in a circle around it, and the snake halted in its path, letting out a gurgled hiss before it fell limp to the ground, wiggling pathetically as life drained from its eyes.

 

Bethany blinked, then held a hand across her, or his, mouth. "Oh my god..." She took a deep breath, forcing her arms down at her sides and looking up and away from the snake. "Calm down, calm down, this is NOT as gross as the field trip the slaughterhouse..." She clapped her hands together, pursing her lips. "Alright, let's keep movin- wait, what the _hell_ are you doing?" She exclaimed in disbelief as she watched Fridge pick up the snake by the base of its head, turning it in his hand, glancing up at the darkening sky.

 

"We need to set up camp." He said, somewhat exasperated. Spencer furrowed his brows. "Why?" 

 

"Why the hell do you think? We're starving, we're tired, and we damn well need to rest." He shook his head, continuing to walk. The other three looked at each other before following.

 

 

"Alright, this place looks good." Spencer said as they entered a small clearing, virtually perfect for a campsite; maybe that was the intention. Bethany dropped to the ground and groaned, leaning against a rock, wiping her forehead with her forearm. "Oh my god, I can't even take another step." She murmured, Martha stepping over her legs to the center of the clearing, where vines and fallen leaves had covered an old circle of stones, still intact from the last time someone used them. "Perfect..." She smiled, and Spencer couldn't help but stare at her as she did. Fridge interrupted. "If you're just gonna stand around gawking, you might as well leave." He had collected some random branches, far too moist to be good firewood, but it was all they had access to right now. Spencer nodded and snapped out of his trance. "Yeah, yeah." He began collecting too, Fridge shaking his head as he dropped his bundle into the fire circle. 

 

 

Eventually, after some aggressive and painstaking work from all characters (except Bethany), a fire had been kindled, and some sticks had been placed so that something could be cooked above it. Problem was, they had no food on them, and were all sat around the fire, staring into the flames as the shivering cold of the jungle night began creeping in on them. But then, Fridge reached into his backpack, and he drew out a long, scaly thing. Bethany screamed. "Fridge, is that the snake?!" Martha snapped, despite her timid nature, and Fridge rolled his eyes. "Of course it's the goddamn snake, we need to eat something."

 

"Fridge is right. It may not give us an extra life, but it'll likely replenish our endurance, that's how food in games works." Spencer added. " _We need to get what we can here._ " He smoldered, and Bethany took a moment to compose herself, quickly regaining her senses. "There goes computer game genius Spencer again. I am, _not_ , eating a SNAKE. Isn't it like, poisonous? We can't eat that." She raised her hands, looking at the snake corpse with disgust. Fridge suddenly seemed less snarky, and straightened his posture.

 

"There's a difference between poisonous and venomous. Poison is when you touch or eat something and it kills you, venom is when something bites you and you die. Most venom can be ingested without death, and even then, you would have to eat the venom glands. Eating a snake isn't dangerous; this is a venomous South American Lancehead, perfectly safe for consumption." Just as he finished, he drew back a breath, expression changing completely from confident to confused. "Why do I keep doing that?!" 

 

Martha shrugged and carefully plucked the snake out of Fridge's hand, grimacing slightly at the cold, dry scales sliding inbetween her fingers. Spencer gingerly handed her his knife, and she began quartering it, while Bethany pretended to hurl. 

 

 

Once the pieces were nicely arranged as a snake kebab, Spencer passed it around, allowing everyone to pluck off a hunk of meat. Bethany hesitated, for far longer than she ought to, before taking a piece, staring at the previously light pink meat. "This is literally the grossest thing I have EVER done." She commented, Martha frowning at her. "Really? Because I think blowing Noah in the school bathroom is grosser than eating snake meat." 

 

For a moment, everyone stared at her with open mouths. "Wow, as if. I'm _very_ hygienic you know." Bethany eventually responded, as if she was more offended by the notion of doing that in a bathroom rather than the fact Martha knew about her sex life. Martha rolled her eyes, and the group slowly began eating. "I mean, everything tastes like chicken, right?" Bethany whispered before biting in, eyes tightly shut. 

 

 

 

 

When they took off again, at least they felt a little more sure of themselves.

**Author's Note:**

> Authors note; When I watched this movie in the cinema, I nearly got sick because I ate too much popcorn. Maybe that's why this fic sucks.


End file.
